[雅思培训]如何达到雅思大作文四点评分标准

本篇雅思培训，朗阁老师就为大家一起来分析一篇剑10中的*范文，来看看*是如何在各个评分点上都几乎完美地完成9分高度的文章的。

*范文一直以来都被认为是考生学习进步雅思作文的现成材料。虽然，对于绝大多数考生来说，我们几乎不可能达到*九分范文的高度，但范文中的一些高光点的确能够帮助我们了解雅思作文评分标准，从而能更有针对性地去进步我们的写作水平。

本篇雅思培训，朗阁老师就为大家一起来分析一篇剑10中的*范文，来看看*是如何在各个评分点上都几乎完美地完成9分高度的文章的。

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?

One important stage in a child’s growth is certainly the development of a conscience, which is linked to the ability to tell right from wrong. This skill comes with time and good parenting, and my firm conviction is that punishment does not have much of a role to play in this. Therefore I have to disagree almost entirely with the given statement.

To some extent the question depends on the age of the child. To punish a very young child is both wrong and foolish, as an infant will not understand what is happening or why he or she is being punished. Once the age of reason is reached however, a child can be rewarded for good behavior and discouraged from bad. This kind but firm approach will achieve more than harsh punishments, which might entail many negative consequences unintended by the parents.

To help a child learn the difference between right and wrong, teachers and parents should firstly provide good role modelling in their own behavior. After that, if sanctions are needed, the punishment should not be of a physical nature, as that merely sends the message that it is acceptable for larger people to hit smaller ones-an outcome which may well result in the child starting to bully others. Nor should the punishment be in any way cruel.

Rather, teachers and parents can use a variety of methods to discipline their young charges, such as detention, withdrawal of privileges, and time-out. Making the punishment fit the crime is a useful notion. Which would see children being made to pick up rubbish they have dropped, clean up graffiti they have drawn, or apologise to someone they have hurt. In these ways responsibility is developed in the child, which leads to much better future behavior than does punishment.

1. Task response

写作任务回应这一点要求考生：1). 回应各部分写作内容；2). 在写作中始终呈现一个清晰的观点；3). 呈现发展主要论点并进行论证，避免一概而论的倾向性或缺乏重点。

这篇文章题目涉及两个问题：1). 在多大程度上你赞同或反对对小宝贝做惩罚是有必要的。2). 家长和老师应该用什么方式去惩罚宝贝。很显然在范文的body paragraph的前两段，作者完成了个问题，而在较后一段讨论了第二个问题，因此充分完成了各项写作内容。

其次，作者在开头段较末写到Therefore I have to disagree almost entirely with the given statement. 这样在段就直接表明了自己的立场。很多考生在写雅思作文时没有开门见山表达自己观点的习惯，而事实上首段即表明立场更符合西方传统*性写作的思维习惯，也更容易被*接受。而且只有你在开头段给出明确观点，*才有依据考察你接来下的文章有没有与你给出的观点相一致。

我们接着看范文是如何给出论点并具体论证的。在第二段一开头作者就简洁明了地给出本段中心观点To some extent the question depends on the age of the child. 惩罚与否取决于宝贝的年龄。接下来的三句话里，作者分别用两个不同的分论点来论证之前的那句中心句：1). 惩罚不懂事的小宝贝是很愚蠢的行为。2). 懂事的宝贝应该用be rewarded for good behavior and discouraged from bad来教育。作者并没有一概而论小宝贝是否该通过惩罚来教育，而是分情况辩证地分析。整段下来有理有据，没有半句废话，从而简洁有效地完成论证过程。

2. Coherence and cohesion

在连贯与衔接方面的至高9分境界是uses cohesion in such a way that it attracts no attention不露痕迹地衔接。我们通读范文会发现，作者并没有频繁使用到各类关系连词副词，但全篇读下来依然让人感觉行云流水。*之所以能做到这点的原因在于其文章本身内在逻辑就已经相当流畅，并不需要额外的连词去强调这种流畅性。虽然我们大部分考生的段位并不能达到这点，但是文中一些亮点依然值得我们去效仿以达到7分的要求。以下就是一些增强连贯性的例子。

1). Once the age of reason is reached however, a child can be rewarded for good behavior and discouraged from bad.

使用however这个词来表示前后不同教育方式的对比。

2). After that, if sanctions are needed, the punishment should not be of a physical nature, as that merely sends the message that it is acceptable for larger people to hit smaller ones-an outcome which may well result in the child starting to bully others.

用that这类的指代词来指代前文提到的内容，练习连贯性也避免重复用词。

3). In these ways responsibility is developed in the child, which leads to much better future behavior than does punishment.

用此类短语来增加句子的紧凑性。

3. Lexical resources

词汇方面九分的要求：uses a wide range of vocabulary with very natural and sophisticated control of lexical features; rare minor errors occur only as ‘slips’

使用丰富的词汇，并加以自然而老练的控制；几乎无拼写错误

自然而老练的使用词汇这点说的比较抽象，那我们不妨再看看7分的要求，简单概括下1). 词汇范围够大，用词准确灵活；2). 能使用一定量的less common词汇及collation（词伙）；3). 少有拼写错误。

我们来看看作者是如何展现其词伙水平。

1). 拒绝重复用词。一篇文章中一样的词翻来覆去使用是你词汇匮乏的较直接证据。看*是如何应对这点的，*采用的方式是活用近义词，比如用young charge, infant这类词来代替children, 用sanction来代替punishment。

2). 通过展开文章来增加词汇的多样性。在较后一段中作者为了具体举例应该用怎样正确的方式惩罚宝贝而写到discipline their young charges, such as detention, withdrawal of privileges, and time-out. 在这里提到了detention, privilege, time-out这类less common词汇，而且用得极为精确，一般学生很难想到用withdrawal来表示收走剥夺。在这篇文章中作者并没有肆意炫耀一些所谓的高端词（很多学生写作喜欢乱用一些难词，这非常不可取），而是随着文章的深入，自然而然地涉及到一些相关词汇从而展现其丰富的词汇量。这给我们的启示在于：不要刻意去进步用词难度，而应该着眼于如何把文章写得具体深入。

4. Grammatical range and accuracy

语法环节较重要的一点除了不该用明显语法错误外，还在于a variety of complex structures即丰富的复杂句。单一简单句型的重复使用不会赢得*的好感，我们在使用复杂句型的同时也要牢记一点：不要为了炫耀句型而滥用复杂句。复杂句的使用是为了让文章尽可能的简洁。试看范文中的几个例子：

1). This kind but firm approach will achieve more than harsh punishments, which might entail many negative consequences unintended by the parents.

2). In these ways responsibility is developed in the child, which leads to much better future behavior than does punishment.

用which做引导词把原本可能啰嗦的几句话合成了一句话。